Today I began to think about how hopeless the human race is sometimes.
As silly as this sounds, this all stemmed from Centerfuse.
Someone did one of this silly dramatic call out posts, and I pointed out how silly and unnecissary it was. Ironically, it started a whole big drama thing that was pointless. However, it showed me something that really disturbed me. Here are people that are older than me, and supposed to be more mature, doing the most childish things. Some older girl called me "cubandork." Yes, that's some sharp wit. THen I was told to go have a gay orgy with someone.

People older than me really say this shit. It really makes me sad sometimes that there are people like this, and they're everywhere. People that think they're better than you when they're 26 years old and have ten thousand posts on an internet message board, and they're doing the same things as you, except they're better because they have "better" taste in music. It's ridiculous, and I think Im going to keep my mouth shut from now on when it comes to people being idiots, because, basically, they're just going to be idiots about it.

Then I started thinking about guys and girls and relationships. And sometimes I think I'm doomed to be in my situation forever. Yeah, I know, everyone whines about this, but this is my blog, so whatever. I've been talking to one of my friends about her ongoing problem with this guy, and I watch her make the dumbest, dumbest decisions. And I do the same thing. And my gay guy friend does the same thing. I hate girls, I hate guys. What am I going to do?

"Don't worry about love Dan, just get laid."

Yeah, I can't seem to pull that off either.

This entry is really meandering. Something is really eating away at me right now, and I feel kind of down, but I don't really know what it is.

My floor is supposed to go to the hockey party and drink soon, but I'm not really sure if I'm in the mood to. What happened to me? I used to be straight-edge and get really upset when my friends drank. Now I drink every weekend, and it's so hard to not drink on Tuesday nights (since I don't have classes on Wednesday). And I feel so horribly guilty because of James. He and I have gotten really close since I left for college, strangely, and he's soooo anti-all drugs, just like I was at his age. And here I am, developing into an alcoholic. Am I turning into one? I was proud of myself for not drinking Tuesday, so I still have willpower. But if it's such a big accomplishment that I didn't drink, doesn't that mean something? Anyway, I feel like shit because I have to hide it from James. He'd be so dissapointed in me. A month ago, I wouldn't have cared what James thought of me, but a few weeks ago he really opened up to me, and now I feel so sick about letting him down, and he doesn't even know it. Uggggh. I want to tell him, but I don't want him to dislike me again. Then I'm afraid he'd tell mom, becuase he wouldn't understand me. Or maybe I'm the one that's wrong? This sucks, I wish I was straight-edge again. But at the same time, I enjoy drinking. I don't do it to forget my problems, I do it to have fun, be social, and amplify my comedy. Everyone thinks I'm the funniest drunk here. Am I just trying to impress everyone here?

I kind of want to go home in two weeks. I want to see Scott and Pat and Sasha, and Paris, and go to Tunes and get some CD's. I miss not having a car. I miss my friends now. I was doing fine for the first month, but now I really miss Scott and Pat and Paris and Alex.

I'm so rambling. I'm really down in the dumps for no reason. This sucks. I need to figure out what's going on with me.