I was looking through old pictures just now, and I saw some of her. It was like looking at a stranger, or a person you haven't talked to in ten years. It got me thinking about her, and I hate thinking about that more than anything. I just think about what went wrong. What I did wrong, what she did wrong, what everyone did wrong. Sometimes I really wish I could just forget about it all and say "Okay, I'm finally over it, how about we try being friends for the forteenth time." But whenever I think about what happened, a part of me still thinks I'm right. I don't feel strongly about many things, but even after a year and a half, I still feel like I was wronged. I wish I could just forget about it, or I wish that she would call me up one day and say "Dan, you were right all along. I've finally realized that it was all my fault, and I know how about I hurt you now. I'm sorry, please forgive me." But that's not going to happen.

These pictures go back a few years. Sometimes I really miss the times we shared. I miss the weird songs. I miss the all-night-long talks that went on for so long that my phone died. I miss that time at the beach. I miss Ms. Pac-man. I miss being someone that someone could depend on.

But I remember all the times she pissed me off. I remember how fucking crazy I was for her, and how crazy I was because of her. I remember the fights every week, I remember being depressed, I remember feeling the worst I've ever been because of her. I remember how much I wanted to ruin her life because I felt she ruined mine.

It's been such a long fucking time, but I still think about it time to time, and I'm still affected by it so much. I can't decide if I want that part of my life back or if I just want to just fucking forget it already.

I think I missed her birthday, I know it's sometime this month.

I don't know why I just started thinking about this shit tonight at three in the morning when I haven't thought about it in months.