I am terrified of children.
Let's get into this. I'm at work today and I see one of the younger kids' names on the lineup, and it's Steglik. And I'm thinking, where do I know that last name? Then I remember Ashton, this girl that used to work at Shoprite, that was her last name. So I go to this kid and I'm like, "Hey, do you have a sister?" and he says yeah, and i'm like "Did she used to work here?" and he says yeah, and I'm like "Ashton? You're Ashton's brother?" And he's like yeah. Weird! So then I ask him how she's doing and he's like "She's good. She had a kid."
What the fuck!
The last time I saw Ashton was sometime in the summer of 2003, when she called me drunk and crying to pick her up from her boyfriend's house because they just had a fight and needed somewhere to go. It was very random, but I went and got her because I'm just such a nice young man. And now a year and a half later, she's got a fuckin baby.
It's just really weird to me. A few years ago, we were both teenagers working at Shoprite, right? We were fucking kids. She was my age or a year younger, I'm not sure anymore. I remember I had a dumb crush on her. I used to talk to her all the time about dumb shit and I remember for a little bit I was like, the advice guy that tried to keep her from fucking up. You know, stay away from this awful dude, stop skipping classes, don't be a retarded girl, shit like that. Then I lose touch because I always loose touch with people I don't see becuase I'm a shit friend sometimes, and the next time I see her I'm picking her up because she's got nowhere to go. Then after that night, I don't think I talked to her or saw her again. Now she's got a kid!
How is so much changing? I'm twenty years old and I feel like a child. All around maybe, there are people my age having kids. My ex girlfriend is engaged and pregnant. When I was walking around the store, I saw this girl Katie that I sat at lunch with in 11th grade with her boyfriend/husband and their kid. I remember the last time I saw her, she had just had the kid, her name was Lilly. I saw them today and fucking ducked.
I just didn't want to be seen by them at all. I didn't want them to ask what I'm doing and me being like "Uhh you know, just working at Shoprite until I go back to college that my mom pays and back to my house that my mom pays the rent for in my car that my mom pays for so I can graduate and go to grad school so I can keep putting off growing up and being a real adult while you both work and support your child. You know, the usual." I'm worrying about the decline of quality in pro-wrestling television programming and whether or not I'm going to get drunk tonight while people that I grew up with, ate lunch with, worked with are starting families.
After Ashton's brother told me about her, I spent the rest of the night at Shoprite quietely freaking the fuck out. I am not getting any closer to being ready for real life. People I know are getting married and I haven't even had a girlfriend since high school.
Is this how life is supposed to be? Stay in school until your 28 and then finally start real life? Or are we supposed to just reproduce and get to fucking work and grow up and stop putting everything off?
13 Comments:
I'm only 20 and I know people that I went to school with who are married or have kids, one of my close friends is even expecting! Her baby is due next month! That was a real shock when I found out (as you can guess I'm pretty shocking at keeping in touch with people who I don't see either(though I'm good at having penpals, ha, go figure).
I know exactly what you mean.
I feel like I may be starting to grow up now (that's iffy. ..Perhaps "know more" is closer to what it is) but yeah, I feel like a baby among my pairs, they are all grown up and I'm only just learning to walk it seems.
2:53 AM
Dan, chill. your not the only one. i havent had a "girlfriend" in college and im a year ahead of you. And i know a lot of girls with babies and guess how many of them wanted a baby and planned on it? none. they fucked up and are living with the consequences, be it good or bad in their eyes. my cousin got his girl pregnant when he was 17, now the babies like 3 and he hasnt done anything. i dont think those people want to be where they are, but if they do, then thats great their happy. be glad you havent made any mistakes yet.
nelson
8:46 PM
you know, i've been thinking the same thing lately.. i keep finding all these kids from east on myspace and seriously, they either have kids, are married, or both. it's insane. just wait until cierra & pete reproduce!
-the other andrea
1:34 AM
I know some people who are making with the baby-making myself, and yeah it's weird.
But keep in mind that there will always be people like me, who will forever be behind the times in terms of getting my shit together.
And alternately: This person who pushed out a kid seems like they had a history of being a bit of a fuck-up, in the way that people like you or I aren't. Those people have kids early. That sounds cold and cynical, but you should only call me on it if I'm wrong.
In many ways that whole "I am wasting my life and doing nothing thing" is a good way to spend one's early twenties, I'm pretty sure, and you shouldn't really worry until it's your close friends who start getting married.
4:20 AM
" You know, stay away from this awful dude, stop skipping classes, don't be a retarded girl, shit like that. "
hey this is like, most of our conversations!
laurenpilla
3:53 PM
that girls on kid #2 with guy #2 and had to have a pregnancy test before the kid was even born with her second kid because there were 3minimum possible fathers probably more...a real winner
9:56 PM
who are you and why are you commenting on an entry from over three years ago?
10:54 PM
anonymous
7:49 PM
the internet is a haven for anonymous shit talk
8:06 PM
its the truth aint not shit talk
2:47 PM
Hey Dan! So, bored surfing the net I googled my name and this comes up, kinda random and strange. Then I read the comments even more strange!
FYI for the anonymous stalker, who had to of googled my name to even find this lost page from 3 years ago, I have 2 beautiful children, just bought a home, soon to be happily married in 10 months and living quite comfortable! Ive worked hard to get where am at and do consider myself a winner! ( all thanks to the great advice of Dan, " stay away from this awful dude, stop skipping classes, don't be a retarded girl" lol) I feel sad for them that they feel they have to post such ridiculous things to feel better about themselves. Just thought I'd clear that up for our "anonymous" poster. :)
10:23 AM
Ashton, I'm glad you're doing well.
I think we've all learned an important lesson: I shouldn't talk about stuff on the internet and probably hide old blogs from 4 years ago.
8:12 PM
True lol Or maybe the "anonymous" poster should just not speak of things they know nothing about. Which their not so anonymous, I have a pretty good idea of who they are. Anyway, it happens, no big deal! Hope all is well with you!
10:44 AM
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